The Long Journey To Recovery For A Sex Addict

When I mention that I am a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, many who don’t understand what sex addiction is are titillated by the idea of SEX addiction. The reality is that this is one of the most baffling addictions that I work with. Totally outside of the “garden variety” of addictions, sex addiction usually stems back to one’s childhood and the development of their sexuality in the early years, even before we are cognizant of sexuality as it is. I worked with one client in particular who challenged my skills as a therapist. He was cheating on his wife, seeking out cross-dressing prostitutes, though he identified as a straight “cis” man. He hid his behavior for years, finding his liaisons online, and at various sex shops, and gay nightclubs. When he was discovered by his wife, the humiliation for him was extreme and devastating to his life, and marriage. He lost everything.

Through therapy, and tough but persistent work, we uncovered that he had created a hidden life of repeating a childhood trauma over and over in his acting out. This person had been raped by a man in his young childhood, which altered his development. By seeking out men, dressed as women, he would recreate his trauma, with the visualization of being with a woman, because he was straight. As many would question, “isn’t he gay then?” The answer is no. Part of sex addiction tends to be a twist on a trauma of childhood.  This man was straight, and subconsciously re-traumatized himself throughout his life. Once his molestation was addressed, he could move on to have healthy relationships.